Depression into dreams
Today i woke up and it dawned on me how much my life has changed this year.
This time last year i had just started a Health & Health Sciences Access course at college with the aim to study midwifery this year at university.
The months before i started the course hadn't been the best for me, after losing my grandad (my second dad) to cancer & i had blocked out my grieving, so when i did start the course i felt like i wasn't fully ready.
There is such a stigma with young single mothers and i feel its always one I've felt pressured by. In some respects this is a good thing, because its given me such a strong work ethic, which is why i felt the need to power through my course even though i mentally wasn't prepared.
I was studying 3 days a week, working 2-3 days a week, volunteering at the hospital, doing endless amounts of assignments plus trying to keep on top of running a house, and ensuring i was the best possible mum i could be.
I then started to think about life at university, and how i would support myself being a full time student and single mum. I had a light bulb moment and decided to set up a social media marketing company on a whim. I didn't really know what to expect, and whether I'd get any work from it but i thought it was worth a chance.
4 months into my course i hit rock bottom and didn't see anyway of getting out of this deep dark hole I'd put myself in. I felt so pressured in every aspect of my life. I was pushing every single person that cared about me away. Everything just suddenly became TOO much. Depression and anxiety are such a taboo topic that i almost felt embarrassed to open up to someone about it.
After a month of feeling like this, i woke up one day and told myself that nobody else was going to get me out of this rut, only i had the power to do that. In that moment if hit me ,that all of the stress i was putting myself under wasn't to make me happy, it was because i felt like i had something to prove and because i didn't want to be tarred with the same brush that society gives us young mums. I felt like i would disappoint my family and friends if i didn't carry on down this career ladder. It wasn't until i had a phone call with my mum and hours of tears later i finally knew what i needed to do.
I removed all of the things in my life made me unhappy.
I fully believe in the saying "Optimism is a happiness magnet, if you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you."
Making these changes in my life has brought me so much success, happiness and fulfillment. My social media business has been a HUGE success and i know that at this moment in time, this is the career for me. I've had so many exciting opportunities recently which I'm looking forward to sharing with you soon! I still volunteer at the hospital on the maternity ward to get my midwifery fix and i get to spend lots of time with my daughter.
Writing this blog has been a hard experience for me...even right at the end i didn't know if i wanted to publish this for the world to see, but i wanted to share my story because i know when you feel that low, you feel as though you'll never be happy again.
However, i can honestly say i am the happiest i've ever been and it isn't down to anybody but myself. If i could give my advice to anybody who may be going through something similar it would be...You hold the key to your own happiness. Make changes in your life to make sure you can take something positive out of each day. Its never too late to stop the path you're going down and take another. Ultimately, do what makes YOU happy!
Thanks for reading!